


Deadly Memories

by Cossie



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chat Blanc Spoilers, M/M, This is what happens when I watch emotional tiktoks at 1 am ;-;, angsty, i tried :P, kinda emotional, relatable to some people maybe, sad Chat Blanc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29393943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cossie/pseuds/Cossie
Summary: It was happening again.It was the akuma inside; driving him to the madman he now was.He had no control.He wanted out.He NEEDED escape.He needed HER."I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE WITHOUT YOU!!"He knows she can't hear him.And it's all his fault...(Takes place whilst Chat is akumatized as Chat Blanc, weeks before Ladybug saves him)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Deadly Memories

**Author's Note:**

> (WARNING: Chat Blanc spoilers!)
> 
> According to Thomas Astruc, Chat Noir was akumatized for MONTHS before Ladybug went back in time to save him. 
> 
> So, what happened within the months? How did he cope? DID he cope?
> 
> This story takes place a day in Chat Blanc's life; in his world. 
> 
> Enjoy ;P

The world was strange here.

The air was crisper; colder.

There was a thick fog that never disappeared; a full yet broken moon that showed itself at all hours.

It's a place of paranoia; fear.

Everyone was perfectly free, and yet they were trapped.

They were all afraid.

No…

Terrified.

Terrified, of him.

…

"LADYBUG!"

His shrilling scream erupted through the skies.

"MY LADY!!"

He whipped across the rooftops at full speed; never once slowing down.

He was trapped.

It was only worse than before, when he was consistently locked in his room.

This time, Oh this time, was all his fault.

"MARINETTE!!"

He shrieked, shredding the ground as he ran all fours.

Nino was afraid of him.

Alya was furious, and grieved.

Chloé had cried simply at the sight of him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

Memories drifted through his mind.

Memories, of when he'd first layed his eyes on the girl clad in red in black. Or rather - when she'd crashed into him.

The time he thought he'd lost her, and took a moment to hold her in his arms.

The time when she let him share his feelings, and cared enough to let him down gently.

The time when he'd found out who she really was under that mask.

It was beautiful, - she was beautiful - it was wonderous, it was bliss, and all in all miraculous.

She was actually there for him.

His heart ached, as he loved her so much it hurt.

She was a miracle all in itself; the girl who loved and accepted him as he was.

But…

BUT SHE'S NOT HERE FOR YOU ANY MORE.

"MARINETTE!!!!"

He came to an abrupt stop; atop one of the tallest buildings in the city.

He wanted her back.

He needed her.

He didn't even want this. He didn't want to be here.

He just..

He just…

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HER!!!"

His voice shrieked, his voice gave out; and hot tears of anger and grief filled his vision.

He swallowed thickly and the weight in his chest grew.

He didn't know what to do.

Why was he still here?

"I JUST WANT YOU BACK!"

He knew she couldn't hear him.

"I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE WITHOUT YOU!"

He grinded his teeth; making his lower lip bleed when his fangs dug in too far.

His friends were gone.

His father was gone.

The girl that kept him going was gone.

He just…

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and let the tears fall down.

he wished…

His eyes shot open.

"I WISH I COULD JUST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!"

He shrieked and took a breath.

His throat hurt, his eyes stung; the madness, the anger, the hurt that made him the monster he was is taking over.

"I WISH I HAD FREAKING PARENTS!!!"

He hissed as the words came out, his eyes blown wide as he screamed into the Parisian sky.

"I WISH I HAD A MOM AND A DAD WHO ACTUALLY GAVE A CRAP!!"

His throat gave out.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!??!"

"WHY?! WHY??? WHY?!?!?!?"

His anger was slowly consuming him.

An image came to mind.

An image of a boy; with blonde hair and emerald green eyes.

The boy he used to be.

The boy with a smile on his face.

"I WISH I DIDN'T PRETEND TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME WHEN I ALWAYS FEEL SO EMPTY!!!"

He panted; taking in deep breaths with his eyes still blown wide and his ears peeled back.

And then came a whisper.

"I wish my friends were still here with me…"

And the tears came back.

Every memory; every voice, every smile, ever touch and kind word of his loved ones came to mind.

Why?

Why was he still here?!

He felt his tension fall, his anger fade; as he looked down from the tower he stood on.

He didn't have to be here.

He didn't need to be here.

Slowly, he turned his back in the opposite direction, picturing her.

Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, - oh, her laugh - her warmth.

her.

She was always so proud of him; whenever they won at the end of the day. Even if it was only something simple, she would made him feel wanted. needed.

…what would she think of him now?

…

He let himself fall.

Maybe this time, it'll put him out of his misery.

Maybe this time it would work.

…

It didn't.

It never did.

**Author's Note:**

> So in my mind Chat constantly had to deal with his pain, his regrets, and his memories every day when he was akumatized. 
> 
> And yes, even goes as far as to try to take his own life away... more than once. But his supersuit prevents him from doing so; resulting in him going more and more mad until Ladybug saves him. As evidently in the Chat Blanc episode; he's already gone relatively insane. 
> 
> I attempted an emotional story, but I apologize if I failed to do so :P
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @Cossiez!


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